Piloting the Situation

It was a tie. Some of you thought I should say, “Thanks, but no thanks” to Pierre and put my brother Mark in a strangle-hold until he finally gave up his problem with Peter and Brian. Others thought, “Why not? Employ Pierre on the frontlines.”

Well, for those who voted to leaving Pierre out of it—good call. When I left him and Chlo at the gig I told him I’d think about his offer. Turns out there was nothing to think about. Chlo called me two days later to tell me she had spotted Pierre with his arm around a nineteen-year-old model, the subject of his newest ad campaign for Vans. When I asked her if she was bummed, she simply said, “Nah, he’s French.” If only they came and went so easily for me.

Surprisingly, work had turned a corner. Despite the last-minute mania at the printer, the book went to press and came out perfectly. Even Joan was happy. This was the first major project on her watch and we had made her look good. That’s what all her panic had really come down to, and I wished I’d been able to see that before. I would have made a much smaller voodoo doll. Now I not only felt empathetic, I felt a little guilty. So, I decided to make friends with Joan by asking her out to lunch to celebrate.

Anthony tagged along, and the three of us went out for fish and chips, just like I had wanted to the week before. Joan was really chatty and surprisingly open about her life. She had moved in with her grandparents in high school after her parents divorced, and got used to doing most things by herself. She had played sports and been in student government at her old school, but her new school was small and rural with cheerleading and band as the only extra circular opportunities for girls. That’s when she began writing a lot.

She had moved back to the city after college and moved in with her boyfriend shortly thereafter. They had just broken up before she took his job. “A fresh start,” she said. “I like the idea of working by the beach. Too bad I never see daylight.”

I had hated Joan so much I’d been unable to see how pretty she was, not in an obvious way, but the kind of beauty that can grow or recede with your mood. She had a light covering of freckles over her nose that seemed to emerge only in sunlight. Her mousy brown hair revealed flex of gold and red. She took off her shoes and buried her feet in the sand, slouched back in her chair and said, “God, we should do this more often.” At that moment I realized, Joan would be perfect for Mark.

Later that day I filled Anthony in on my plan. “Just make sure your brother doesn’t dump your boss,” Anthony responded. I wasn’t worried about that, yet. I had a brilliant plan.

I was supposed to see Mark that night to start working on the pilot. I’d fulfilled my part of the bargain by appearing in his show. We were behind schedule, what with him trying to avoid speaking to me and all… but he was getting edgy now. His script was due to NBC in two weeks, and he didn’t have anything written. This night would be a great “three-fer.” I could potentially advance my writing career by working on the script, try to get the bottom of what Mark had against Peter and Brian, and start planting the seed about Joan.

We ordered pizza and sat down on his couch to layout the fundamentals of the pilot. Mark had decided that he wanted to start the show with a flashback to childhood, showing an early version of our family and Mark’s childhood plays and then cutting to his live “A Marked Man” one-man-show structure—not dissimilar from the live show that I appeared in. I thought the show should include parallel worlds where you might have a bit of Mark’s live show, plus the fundamentals of his life (agent, love interest, friends, etc.), intercut with Mark’s childhood plays and scenes of family life. We spared back and forth, trying to convince each other of one’s own idea. Our final idea met somewhere in the middle—the show would revolve around Mark’s life, with his act as a backdrop (think Seinfeld meets Curb Your Enthusiasm). The flashbacks to childhood would be a comedic device used whenever one of the family members appeared in the show, as a way to humble Mark’s character. Mark’s character was emerging as a hapless egotist. His unsubstantiated confidence often rubbed people the wrong way, but those close to him overlooked it because he was also naively sweet and sentimental. That first night we nailed the tone, and over the next few days we crafted a 22-minute pilot.

“I can’t believe it. I love this script and we still have a week before it’s due,” Mark said one night as I was getting ready to leave.

This is where my plan came into action. “Oh yeah, I was thinking about it,” I said. “I was thinking we should have some people over to read through the script and see how it flows. We’ve been the only ones to read it out loud. It would be good to see how other people interpret the dialogue.”

“That’s a great idea; I’m so glad you’re working with me on this,” he said. “Who should we bring?”

And that’s when I told him about Joan. As I expected, he was hooked. He hadn’t dated anyone seriously in more than a year, Jane. And I had introduced him to her. He knew I knew his type, and he couldn’t resist.

“Just one catch,” I said. “You’ve got to tell me what your problem is with Peter and Brian.” And without even flinching, he did. I put my things down, and a bottle of wine later, the story was out. Peter had slept with Jane and that was why they broke up. Mark hadn’t met Peter before the night of the show, but he knew who he was. And when things were going wrong with Jane and Mark was trying to figure out what was going on, he’d confided in Brian to ask for his advice. Brian had been a good friend, listened, and suggested Mark break things off with Jane.

It wasn’t until Mark saw Peter and Brian together that he realized Brian must have known about Peter and Jane the whole time. That night when Chlo and I had waited for them at the diner, Mark confronted Brian and Brian said that he’d only found out about it after Mark and Jane had broken up, and he hadn’t wanted to stir up bad feelings for Mark. Mark didn’t know whether to believe him, but hated Brian anyway for being friends with Peter.

Mark had really loved Jane, and I was hoping Joan might be a great new distraction or possibly even a real contender. Too bad about the alliteration, but you can’t have it all.

In my mind, this puts Peter completely out of the picture. Even if he hadn’t known about Mark at the time he was seeing Jane; it would simply crush my brother if I went out with him. But I wasn’t so sure what to think about Brian.