Lloyd Dobbler, The Sequel

You were practically tied when it came to me going out with Brian. Half of you thought I should go out with him and see if he decided to mention Peter and Jane. Others thought I should go out with Brian, but leave Peter and Jane out of it. But the winning vote went to those of you who thought I should just forget it and not go out with Brian at all. Okay, so the popular vote says I should forfeit my social life. I could have done that without any help, and it feels strangely liberating to elect not to have a life.

And so, in lieu of my own life, I decided to set about giving one back to my brother Mark. One afternoon at work, when Joan and I went out to grab a coffee, an activity that had become a nearly daily occurrence, I did a little background work.

“So, have you talked to your ex since you moved out?” I asked.

“No. We had been on the verge of breaking up for more than a year. So, when I left, I was totally done; there was nothing left to say” Joan said.

“Would you say, you’re ready to date again, you know, if the right guy came along,” I continued.
“I’d really rather make friends right now,” Joan said, pausing to look at me. “I haven’t had much fun lately. As you know, I’ve spent all my time here, just focusing on work, not really going out. It’s actually been great to hang out with you. You’re the first person I’ve wanted to talk to since Malcolm, my ex.”

I had found an in. “Oh good, I’m glad to hear you say that because I could really use your help with something tonight. My brother Mark is this sort of actor-comedian guy, and he and I have been writing a pilot for NBC. He has to turn it in soon, and we thought it would be a good idea to have people actually read the script the script out loud. We could be seriously kidding ourselves if the dialogue falls flat once the actors get their hands on it.”

After convincing Joan that she didn’t need to be a legitimate actress, she said she was in. Chlo had been M.I.A. after an unexpected second bout with Pierre, which had recently ended, again, after he surprised her by taking her on a romantic trip to Paris followed by a quick stop at Pierre’s parents’ house to see his daughter. His…5-year-old daughter! Turns out the kid—who Chlo said was “A gorgeous little Lou Doillon lookalike, but, you know, a child”—splits her time between Pierre’s ex-girlfriend’s house and his parents’ house. For all Chlo’s love of drama, even she knew when things had been pushed a little too far. She agreed to help out Mark too, and would pick Anthony up on her way.

Chlo and Anthony could play out the parts of my parents, and Mark’s adult-life friends. I would play the sister, past and present. And Joan could play the love interest—perfect.
I ordered pizza and was two beers in by the time Chlo and Anthony got there. Mark had pulled out folding chairs and set them in a circle around the living room—theater class style. Chlo picked up a script and started reading bits of dialogue aloud in a Royal Shakespearean tone, taunting Mark to try to grab the script away from her. So when I answered the door to let Joan in, Mark had pinned Chlo down on the carpet causing her to scream with mock panic. Joan looked like she wanted to scream with real panic.

We read through the pilot four times, and Mark and I found great spots for improvement each time. Anthony mooned over Chlo, clearly enjoying playing the part of her husband. Joan had been quiet, reading her part, but not really contributing to the group, not seeming to enjoy herself. I don’t know what I’d hoped for, but it was for more than that. And as we were cleaning up, she came up to me looking a little worried.

“Joan, I’m sorry if you didn’t enjoy yourself. I guess I underestimated how overwhelming our little group can be,” I said.

“No, it’s not that. I thought everyone was hilarious. It’s just that…about the script. I think it’s great, but…” she stopped. I motioned for her to continue. “It’s really funny, but it’s a little... I mean, the guy is controlled by his family, not so lucky in love, and has two kind of dopey friends. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I was thinking about something to set it apart.”
Mark was watching us with the start of a wounded pout on his face, the look he gets when he knows someone is being disapproving. I waved him over. “It’s okay, Joan. This pilot is a really big deal and Mark is going to be criticized left and right after he turns this in. If you have an opinion, please share it.”

“Well, I was just thinking, what if instead of Mark’s character having these two dopey friends to always agree with him and keep him slightly off course when it comes to women, what if the two friends were women. And what if they, in trying to help Mark do the right thing to land a girlfriend, actually sabotage him. Then the show becomes more about how sometimes chemistry is about things not making sense and not always doing the right thing. And it can also help Mark’s character grow in terms of his confidence and independence, from his friends and his family.” Joan stopped and looked back and forth between me and Mark. “I dunno…”

I was a little afraid Mark was going to hit her. He looked stunned, like someone had just hit him. Joan’s idea annihilated the entire concept of Mark’s one man show, and everything that got him noticed in the first place.

“It’s brilliant,” he said, calmly, nodding his head. “It’s freaking brilliant, yes! It’s like Lloyd Dobbler and his friends, but instead of ignoring them and being his own person, following his heart, he actually listens to these girls. And they lead him astray. He does exactly what the girls think he should do, and it turns out that it’s exactly what the girls he’s interested in do not want him to do. This is it. Cece, we’ve got to re-write this. Joan, can you stay and help?”

Joan didn’t stay. I think she felt she’d contributed enough and barely escaped with her head. Mark and I stayed up until 3am rewriting, and I must say—it was brilliant. But when I went to leave I checked my phone. There was one text message from Joan: “i had fun. what a talented family...” I knew it; she was hooked.

And so it began. And now for the action, or lack thereof. Guidance, please.

Piloting the Situation

It was a tie. Some of you thought I should say, “Thanks, but no thanks” to Pierre and put my brother Mark in a strangle-hold until he finally gave up his problem with Peter and Brian. Others thought, “Why not? Employ Pierre on the frontlines.”

Well, for those who voted to leaving Pierre out of it—good call. When I left him and Chlo at the gig I told him I’d think about his offer. Turns out there was nothing to think about. Chlo called me two days later to tell me she had spotted Pierre with his arm around a nineteen-year-old model, the subject of his newest ad campaign for Vans. When I asked her if she was bummed, she simply said, “Nah, he’s French.” If only they came and went so easily for me.

Surprisingly, work had turned a corner. Despite the last-minute mania at the printer, the book went to press and came out perfectly. Even Joan was happy. This was the first major project on her watch and we had made her look good. That’s what all her panic had really come down to, and I wished I’d been able to see that before. I would have made a much smaller voodoo doll. Now I not only felt empathetic, I felt a little guilty. So, I decided to make friends with Joan by asking her out to lunch to celebrate.

Anthony tagged along, and the three of us went out for fish and chips, just like I had wanted to the week before. Joan was really chatty and surprisingly open about her life. She had moved in with her grandparents in high school after her parents divorced, and got used to doing most things by herself. She had played sports and been in student government at her old school, but her new school was small and rural with cheerleading and band as the only extra circular opportunities for girls. That’s when she began writing a lot.

She had moved back to the city after college and moved in with her boyfriend shortly thereafter. They had just broken up before she took his job. “A fresh start,” she said. “I like the idea of working by the beach. Too bad I never see daylight.”

I had hated Joan so much I’d been unable to see how pretty she was, not in an obvious way, but the kind of beauty that can grow or recede with your mood. She had a light covering of freckles over her nose that seemed to emerge only in sunlight. Her mousy brown hair revealed flex of gold and red. She took off her shoes and buried her feet in the sand, slouched back in her chair and said, “God, we should do this more often.” At that moment I realized, Joan would be perfect for Mark.

Later that day I filled Anthony in on my plan. “Just make sure your brother doesn’t dump your boss,” Anthony responded. I wasn’t worried about that, yet. I had a brilliant plan.

I was supposed to see Mark that night to start working on the pilot. I’d fulfilled my part of the bargain by appearing in his show. We were behind schedule, what with him trying to avoid speaking to me and all… but he was getting edgy now. His script was due to NBC in two weeks, and he didn’t have anything written. This night would be a great “three-fer.” I could potentially advance my writing career by working on the script, try to get the bottom of what Mark had against Peter and Brian, and start planting the seed about Joan.

We ordered pizza and sat down on his couch to layout the fundamentals of the pilot. Mark had decided that he wanted to start the show with a flashback to childhood, showing an early version of our family and Mark’s childhood plays and then cutting to his live “A Marked Man” one-man-show structure—not dissimilar from the live show that I appeared in. I thought the show should include parallel worlds where you might have a bit of Mark’s live show, plus the fundamentals of his life (agent, love interest, friends, etc.), intercut with Mark’s childhood plays and scenes of family life. We spared back and forth, trying to convince each other of one’s own idea. Our final idea met somewhere in the middle—the show would revolve around Mark’s life, with his act as a backdrop (think Seinfeld meets Curb Your Enthusiasm). The flashbacks to childhood would be a comedic device used whenever one of the family members appeared in the show, as a way to humble Mark’s character. Mark’s character was emerging as a hapless egotist. His unsubstantiated confidence often rubbed people the wrong way, but those close to him overlooked it because he was also naively sweet and sentimental. That first night we nailed the tone, and over the next few days we crafted a 22-minute pilot.

“I can’t believe it. I love this script and we still have a week before it’s due,” Mark said one night as I was getting ready to leave.

This is where my plan came into action. “Oh yeah, I was thinking about it,” I said. “I was thinking we should have some people over to read through the script and see how it flows. We’ve been the only ones to read it out loud. It would be good to see how other people interpret the dialogue.”

“That’s a great idea; I’m so glad you’re working with me on this,” he said. “Who should we bring?”

And that’s when I told him about Joan. As I expected, he was hooked. He hadn’t dated anyone seriously in more than a year, Jane. And I had introduced him to her. He knew I knew his type, and he couldn’t resist.

“Just one catch,” I said. “You’ve got to tell me what your problem is with Peter and Brian.” And without even flinching, he did. I put my things down, and a bottle of wine later, the story was out. Peter had slept with Jane and that was why they broke up. Mark hadn’t met Peter before the night of the show, but he knew who he was. And when things were going wrong with Jane and Mark was trying to figure out what was going on, he’d confided in Brian to ask for his advice. Brian had been a good friend, listened, and suggested Mark break things off with Jane.

It wasn’t until Mark saw Peter and Brian together that he realized Brian must have known about Peter and Jane the whole time. That night when Chlo and I had waited for them at the diner, Mark confronted Brian and Brian said that he’d only found out about it after Mark and Jane had broken up, and he hadn’t wanted to stir up bad feelings for Mark. Mark didn’t know whether to believe him, but hated Brian anyway for being friends with Peter.

Mark had really loved Jane, and I was hoping Joan might be a great new distraction or possibly even a real contender. Too bad about the alliteration, but you can’t have it all.

In my mind, this puts Peter completely out of the picture. Even if he hadn’t known about Mark at the time he was seeing Jane; it would simply crush my brother if I went out with him. But I wasn’t so sure what to think about Brian.